Scooter says, "Happy Friday!"

A morning quickie: "Urban Blight Porn"

A few months ago, I wrote about the slow demolition of the Gates Rubber Factory.

New controversy: a college student, Eugene Elliot, is trying to get a historical designation for the land and building. I believe this to be a naive and selfish endeavor, despite my great affection for the site. Oh, and by the way? He's an urban explorer. There might just be an (illegal) ulterior motive there!

Today, Westword chronicles the building in a slide show of pictures taken by urban explorers and other enthusiasts. Love these!

The road less traveled

I can't believe it's been two months since my last confession blog post. I'm most assuredly going to Blogger Hell, where they simultaneously light your toes on fire and show you slides of grammatically incorrect sentences you're not allowed to change. (I don't even want to think about it.)



Sure, I'd do this -- if I had a death wish.



This will be a quickie (woooo, quickie!). I wanted to brag a bit that my Little Chaos now has close to 7,500 miles on him, and he's still going strong. I've changed jobs and am now working downtown, a goal I've had since about 1998 when I last worked downtown, which means far fewer miles on the scooter (I live about a mile away). This is bittersweet: I both miss my commute and am relieved I don't have to go so far anymore. But this means I'm going to have to make up my own long rides, so I can keep entertaining you, my blog-reading pals. It's all about YOU.

So, soon... I hope to have a story to tell. I want to see how far I can go. (Preferably when our record-breaking high temperatures aren't melting our eyeballs out anymore.) Colorado Springs to visit my parents? I can have a private road paved for me if I ask nicely, right?

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” – Susan Sontag

This scooter makes my a$$ look good, Part Deux!

"Hey, baby -- if I stare at the side of your head
long and hard enough, will you give me a ride?"

I wrote a blog a few months ago about being hit on at a stop light. Seriously, it's weird. I get hit on more on my scooter than I do in bars, which leads me to believe men really like women who drive vehicles they have to straddle.

So, I'm recording two more incidents here for your amusement. I work hard for you.

A couple months ago, I followed some friends' cab to our second locale for the evening on my scooter. Apparently, their cab driver took a fancy to me and told them he thought I was really cute, and my friends decided to be in a good mood and actually said nice things about me. Now, I always feel fairly certain that I look like a complete and total dork in my helmet, as I have said before, so I'm never in the mindset that a man will find me irresistible as such. But he ended up asking me for my phone number after I fake drag-raced him to the bar. (<-- Ladies, feel free to use that one. It's cute and silly, and it gives the driver a chance to be manipulative charming and let you win.) My brief time with the cabbie did not turn into eternal, dying love, as one might imagine, but I did get a fun ride-along date out of it -- meaning, I rode with him in his cab on a couple of client pick-ups, you pervs. And now every time I see a Yellow Cab drive by, I can fondly (bemusedly?) think back on a relatively crazy, pot-smoking, ex-military, mostly-bad-boy-with-tattoos cab driver who at least was nice to me and didn't throw me in his trunk and take me to a deserted warehouse and handcuff me to a pipe where hot steam would soon blast in and and melt off my face (please tell me you get the 1999 "The Bone Collector" movie reference there, lest you think I'm really, really, REALLY creepy).

The other story was a few weeks ago. I was sitting at a light around 10 pm downtown when I became vaguely conscious of a man on a motorcycle to my left, softly revving his motor (yes, because as you know, the sound of revving motors really makes our lady bits tremble, fellas!). Again, because of the helmet-dork-factor coupled with the fact that most motorcyclists' reactions to me on my scooter range from condescending smiles to outright disdain, I wasn't really thinking he was trying to get my attention. When the revving failed to make me squeal with delight like I'm sure he was used to, however, he called over to me, "Hey, you look good on that bike!" He had this really ridiculous "seductive" look on his face, as he continued, "Wanna take a RIDE with me?" Oh, good Lord. Props for effort, laughs for delivery, my friend. I laughed, shook my head, and said, "No thank you!" He took off ahead of me when the green light turned, and I'm glad I wasn't actually interested, because his stupid Harley almost made my ears bleed. (Pointed look of outright disdain.)

In conclusion: I'm just sayin', if you're single, a scooter could seriously improve your odds (with some odd men, but as we get older we become far less picky, am I right, ladies?).

Dog days of summer

"We put our sunscreen on this morning!
Too bad it won't prevent the 3-inch deep
road rash and head wounds we'll suffer
when we wreck this scooter because there
are too many of us on it -- oh, fiddlesticks,
sunscreen hasn't been invented yet.
WE'RE SCREWED!"

Being a fair-skinned, natural redhead, admittedly, I'm not a huge fan of the summer months. Despite my careful attention to the matter most of the time, on more than one occasion our ever-present, glowing ember in the sky has bitch-slapped me with unflattering and unhealthy burns. Also, the heat in the summer. I'm a Colorado Native and grew up in the coldest room in my parent's house. These days, I'm totally fine sleeping with the windows open in 30-degree weather.

OK, what's your point, Scooter Lass? I'm getting there, patient and gentle reader. Aside from the whole giving and sustaining life thing that I can totally gel with, there is one reason I welcome the sun in the summer months: scooting. As bad-ass as I feel being able to boast scooting a couple miles in 20-degree, snowy weather, the truth is: IT SUCKS. As you can only imagine (and then triple it, freeze it, break it into a million pieces, and cry a lot).

So, yes...the summer is coming, and I've already enjoyed my 35-mile round-trip scooter commute to work several times. Without thoughts of, "the cold may just murder me in the heart with ice shards any second now," I'm free to look around, watch the trees bloom, smell the smells of the city (pot... mostly pot...), and generally enjoy myself on the scooter again.

Now, summer is kinda cool and all for the outdoors aspect, but heed one warning...

Scooter Lass's important public service announcement for summer: For the love of God and universe and Buddha and whatever the hell you believe in, WEAR YOUR DAMN SUNSCREEN. Here's why:

1. It's not that expensive. 
2. It takes about five minutes to put on in the morning.
3. Vanity appeal: It keeps the wrinkles at bay.
4. Super vanity appeal: People who wear sunscreen are SEXY (it's written on the label).
5. And, kinda most importantly, it SAVES YOUR LIFE. I mean it. One of our close family friends who used to tan all the time died from complications of melanoma in the spinal region -- it took her fast and furious. And very painfully. This is a completely preventable death! Don't be stupid.
6. Don't be stupid (that one bears repeating).

And, by the way, thank you Mama Scooter Lass for making me wear sunscreen, hat, and a turtleneck (yes -- a turtleneck) over my bathing suit at the beach when I was wee. I was embarrassed, impatient, and ticked at the time, but now having people think I'm at least five years younger these days is really kind of nice. Yeah, I said it.

In conclusion: Scoot safe! Sunscreen up! Don't be stupid! Wear a turtleneck at the beach and LIKE IT! Now, you tell me: what excites you most about summer?

I fought the law...

... and, well, of course the law won, because it's ME. I follow the rules, which can be boring, but hey, it enables me to keep my corporate job and be a contributing member of society with an EXCELLENT credit score. Be jealous.

I digress.

Because I love you, my faithful Scooter Lass blog followers, this post is going to help keep you out of trouble... well, if you ride a 49cc scooter anyway. My birth landed on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius, which makes for an interesting combination of traits -- it's the latter side that gets me into trouble all the time. (If you believe in that crap, anyway.) One of my nicknames isn't "Trouble" for nothin'! So, here I am, people ... taking one for the team, pretty much on a weekly -- if not daily -- basis. You're welcome.

There were this many - they
SWARMED ME! (I'm totally lying.)

Several weeks ago, I was riding Little Chaos home in rush hour traffic downtown on Lincoln (a very busy, three-lane, one-way city street for you out-of-towners). It's difficult enough to maneuver in traffic with a car during rush hour, much less a 49cc scooter, but I manage... and this particular day, I managed to get a ticket. A very stupid ticket: illegal right turn in a right-turn-only-when-blinking lane. I felt it was unsafe for me to turn at 9th when I got over, so I turned at 10th -- RIGHT IN FRONT OF A COP. And because I'm not devious and clever enough to pretend like I was going up on the sidewalk to park, of course the next thing I saw were the red and blue lights. Damn!

It's embarrassing enough sitting in a car pulled over by a cop... people driving by pointing and laughing at you (What? That doesn't happen to you? Huh.) as he/she takes two hours to write your ticket. But try sitting on your scooter, in your dorky helmet. There is absolutely NO way to look cool in that scenario, trust me.

So, let's talk about the ticket. The illegal right-turn was one thing, but then he asked me if I had insurance. From my knowledge at the time, I said, "No, Mr. Jerky Power-tripping Cop [<--- okay, I didn't say that, are you nuts?!], a 49cc scooter is not required to have insurance." He nodded and went back to his car for another five minutes, leading me to believe I knew my stuff. But no, when he came back, he imperiously told me there was a new law back in '10 (when I bought my scooter), that requires those with 49cc scooters to have insurance on them at all times. Seriously?! Yes, seriously. So, I gots me a double ticket -- slap no proof of insurance on, as well. Which means I get to go to court and pay court fines on top of ticket fines. Yay for me! (See, with the trouble-getting-into thing?)

Fortunately, Mr. DPD explained that as long as I bought insurance, the judge would most likely waive the fine. So, there's that. But I did want to make sure copper knew what he was talking about, so I looked it up... sure enough, the law was enacted on July 1, 2010. Double damn!

Now, I don't like to play the victim. I screwed up. My bad. And I try real hard not to be bitter when, every day on my commute home, I see d-bags riding that right-turn-only-when-blinking lane alllll the way down to its end, usually 10 miles over the speed limit. They are just obviously nowhere near Sagittarius on the Zodiac. Humph. But.... well, triple damn -- for good measure!

So, loyal readers, you can play chicken with the law and avoid insurance if you dare... you are much braver than I. But if you get caught, and I see you pulled over by a cop on the side of the road, I'm going to point and laugh at you -- and not just because of the dorky helmet. I warned you!

Scooter on, scooter peeps -- and try to stay out of trouble, okay?

Beauty in Urban Blight: Gates Rubber Factory

Not my photo. :-)

One of my favorite areas of urban blight in Denver is the old Gates Corporation building -- or Gates Rubber Factory, as we Denverites call it. The factory is due for a slow demolition, but a large portion of it remains along my scooter route to work on S. Broadway. It's a testament to Denver's working-class, industrial past, and it shows no immediate signs of leaving us just yet for the espresso-swilling, urban yuppie communities that are descending upon our cities. According to Wikipedia: 


In 1911, Charles Gates Sr. purchased the Colorado Tire and Leather Company located in southern Denver beside the South Platte River. He paid $3500 for a property that would soon become one of the largest non-tire producing rubber companies in United States. Their first product was called the Durable Tread, a cover attached to the bald tires as an alternative to purchasing new ones.


In 1996 the Gates family sold the company to the British-based engineering firm, Tomkins plc, ending 85 years of family ownership. The Denver factory closed, and by 2001 some buildings hadn't been used in nearly a decade. While parts of the property have been redeveloped, the original factory sits deserted on the corner of South Broadway and Mississippi, awaiting further cleanup and redevelopment into residential and commercial structures.

Clock outside, representing a lost Denver relic,
suspended in time.

A lot of crazy stuff has happened here due to urban exploration. (If you were an urban explorer, could YOU resist this?!) A friend of a friend was arrested for trespassing one evening. He posted his pictures online, and one of them haunted me for years -- an old bathroom, with a grubby, rusted toilet. It was the stuff movies like "Saw" are made of. 


Just over a year ago, a 17-year-old fell 45 feet through the roof onto some concrete. She recovered -- and is very lucky. She and her friends were charged with trespassing, as well.


One morning in 2007, another urban explorer wasn't so lucky. The 23-year-old, who was going into his final semester at Metropolitan State College, fell down an elevator shaft and was paralyzed... later, he died from his injuries. The Denver Westword wrote a beautiful article about it. They also go into urban exploration a little bit. I find it fascinating.


Falling injuries and deaths and trespassing charges (oh my!) aside, apparently the factory is riddled with asbestos and trichloroethylene, an industrial solvent. So, you won't see Scooter Lass getting too close... these pictures I show here were close enough for my blood! You can find tons of great (and ridiculous) images of the factory, old and new, inside and out on a Google image search.

I love the building. Whenever I pass by, I can't seem to take my eyes off it. But I'm well aware that some day it has to go. Unfortunately, it appears to be another victim of the economic downturn, as Cherokee Denver -- the developers slated to clean up the site and turn it into a residential and retail hub -- had to pull out when they couldn't get financing. So, the decrepit building is stalled in time, with only part of the development on the site begun in the form of the Alexan Broadway Station apartments (pictured above, left side). Here's some more information about the proposed project from Denver Urban Renewal Authority.


(Join me for Part II, when I interview my friend Shawn Snow, an avid Denver historian, who will be able to tell us a thing or two about this magnificent Denver ghost, for sure. I just have to wait until the big jerk-head is back from his four-week stent in Europe. So jealous! :-) )

It's gettin' real up in he-ah

"Come to meeee....  give me all
your moneeeyyyy...."

Where I moved, I can see the Whole Freakin' Paycheck Foods sign glowing like a beacon in the night, beckoning me to spend $200 on my small bag of organic, hippy goods. Seriously, though, I did just spend $30 the other night on like four things. Is recycled toilet paper really worth it?

Anyway, another cool thing about tootling around on your scooter is that at places like Whole Foods, where apparently there is universally NO PARKING no matter which Whole Foods you go to in the country (what is with that? They're taunting cranky, malnourished vegans, for goodness sake!), I can just go past everyone and park on the sidewalk. Parking the parking of the just! And avoiding being driven to make a rap song about it, although this is awesome:

I realize this is totally so two years ago, but give a girl a break -- I only JUST got my very first laptop a  couple months ago, for example. I know that's sad, but you know, there's stuff like 50 pairs of shoes and scooters to buy instead. Important things!

So, back to Whole Foods... I'm actually really excited it's so close. Scooter Lass needs to get healthier. Here's to more Kombucha and kale and sh%t in my near future!

P.S. This is a totally unrelated public service announcement: don't forget to set your clocks one hour ahead this Sunday, March 11!

Scooter's Best Friend

The sun is shining. The birds are singing. Ahhh yes, springtime is peeking it's glorious head over the snow-capped mountains this week in Denver. And with this beautiful 60-degree weather comes the ability to scoot to work again! Amazing how commuting on my scooter lets me start my day with a happy heart.

This isn't Buddy, but this is the look he
has when he first sees me. So cute!

One of the best things about my commute -- and something I dearly missed over the winter -- is a German Shepard I've met along my route. I'll call him "Buddy," because that's what I say to him each morning when we greet each other: "Hi, buddy!" There's a very large house with lots of land in one of the areas I scoot into work where Buddy lives. Every morning he's outside, he'll be laying there in the yard, and when he sees me coming, he leaps up and gallops beside me along the fence, barking his fool head off and wagging his tail. I've watched -- he doesn't do this for cars. Just me. It's like we have our own little private, happy ritual in the mornings. He makes my day.

I love dogs...for all their simplicity and consistency. Dogs have mastered living in the moment. We humans could really learn some lessons.

Happy almost-spring!

I move mountains!

Well, it feels like mountains lately. I'm moving to a new apartment; I have been for the past couple weeks. I was lucky enough to have some time, but wow, there's no way around it: moving sucks.

But my Little Chaos made it a lot easier. I was able to haul quite a bit on him to the new place during the past few weeks. This is how it's done:

And he didn't even complain once. What a good scooter!

But thanks to Denver's Affordable Movers, you won't see me doing something like this:

Hey, we're total overachievers! We love us!

No, thank you. I'm pro-scooter, but I'm not a lunatic. 

Scooter Lass might be a little incommunicado for the next few days, because she will be unpacking -- you know that thing that is even more unpleasant than a bikini wax? Yeah, that. 

Scooter Lass: Ready to Join the 21st Century

Hallelujah! Scooter Lass now has a Facebook page. I just need a few more "likes," and I can get a customized Facebook URL. I'm willing to give bribes (as long as they don't get me incarcerated... for too long).

With a Facebook page, not only can I share my blog posts with you, but I can share weird stuff I find on the web related to scooters. Like this:

When you Google "scooters," you may be subjected to photos like these,
but this is NOT what I do. I repeat, NOT what  I do. Especially with those sideburns. 

How could you resist?

See ya on the socials!

Celebs on Scooters

You don't really notice the scooter, do you?

OK, now that I've got your attention. We just suffered through watched the Oscars for another year last night, so I thought it would be timely to look into celebrities who ride scooters. Why? Because we apparently can't get enough of them. Celebrities, too.

I found this blog post titled Celebs on Scooters, and you know what follows: pictures of Julia Roberts, the Jonas Brothers, Hugh Jackman, David Arquette, etc. on scooters. I'm not really into the whole celebrity thing, but I dare say my respect has climbed a little for these guys. And because we force the title of role model on celebrities, I'm glad to see that a few are wearing helmets -- even though they mess up your hair. (Side note: Mickey Rourke isn't wearing one, but I don't think he really needs to. Look at the padding on that mug!)

You totally want to join this vicious
Black Eyed Pea scooter gang -- admit it!

According to the poll on this blog post, 58% of people think that celebrities make riding scooters cooler. That PROVES it. (I'm actually not quite sure what that proves, except that you can't trust random online polls, but I thought it sounded good.)

The one disappointing thing I have to report from my extensive research (i.e., the only five links that pop up on a Google search for "celebrities who own scooters") is that most own Vespa scooters. So, basically, it's a status symbol thing, and they are ignorant to the myriad other brands out there that are perfectly cool, sturdy, and efficient (*cough*Honda-Metropolitan*cough cough*). 

Seriously? Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks?
Not even a scooter could give this one heat. 

If you prick a Honda Metropolitan, does it not bleed -- air from the tires? It's okay... as society evolves, so, too, will celebrities' tastes in scooters. I mean, they did use a Yamaha Riva in the 2011 movie Larry Crowne. Of course, a movie with Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and a scooter wouldn't be Oscar worthy in a million years. But we can dream, right?

Heads up: You need to congratulate me

I would just like to put this out there ahead of time that I'm close to hitting 5,000 miles on my scooter, only having owned it nearly two years. I'll post a picture of the odometer when I hit 5K, but I'm giving you a heads up that, FYI, in scooter land this will be a Really Big Deal -- and I hope you understand the gravity of the responsibility this puts on you to congratulate me. (Because I'm totally saving your environment. You're welcome.)

Rooting for the underdog

When my train to work zooms past

traffic jams on I-25, I try real hard
not to have a superiority complex.

When I'm not riding my scooter around town, I'm taking public transportation. Regional Transportation District (RTD) Denver tends to get a bad rap, but I'm here today to send a little love their way.

I've enjoyed using Denver's RTD system regularly for about five years now. And I've especially enjoyed it since I sold my car a couple years ago! I was just in Las Vegas, NV, last month and, not to knock that fine city, but their public transportation was horrible. It could have been a third world country: the buses were late, the schedules were off, and it took forever to get anywhere. The only thing missing was the livestock! In comparison, Denver's system is a dream. I suppose it's all relative.

This leads me to Tom. Tom is my favorite RTD Call-and-Ride driver down at the Orchard Light Rail station. He's always friendly and upbeat. This morning, I chatted with him a little more than usual and learned he's a retired rodeo bull and horse rider! They want to induct him into the Rodeo Hall of Fame, he said. But he's not wearing blue jeans for the photos, as they requested. He'll wear what he wants. And they'll like it. Tom is a character. And he's one of the reasons I really enjoy public transportation.

These folks are out there working for us -- on holidays, late at night, early in the morning, when there's two feet of snow on the ground. It's a tough job, and many aren't cut out for it. So, the next time you ride the bus, give your driver a nice hello and a warm smile. They deserve it.

(P.S. Happy 2012!!)