Holy Sunshine, Batman! It's 60!

This pic isn't really that funny.

Today, the weather casters have taunted us with the news that we're going to reach temp highs of almost 60 degrees -- in Denver. In December. 

According to the National Weather Service's National Climate Data Center records, the average temperature of Denver is up about 1/2 degree Fahrenheit these days. Feel the burn!!

You know what it is? Me complaining in my last post about the dead of winter and how I can't ride my scooter right now. The Universe, being the best landlord ever, was all, "Oh, Scooter Lass needs to scoot... let's turn up the heater a bit." It has absolutely nothing to do with global warming. Ahem.

You're welcome, Denver.

Let it snow, let it snow, let-- no wait, let it NOT snow!

I knew it was coming. It comes every year. Snow. I live in Denver, after all. But I'm never prepared for those long, cold, dark days when I can't ride my scooter -- they seem to last forever. But when it looks like this outside your window:

...there's just no getting around it. (And you feel like you're in prison, too, but only if you have bars on your windows like me -- LUCKY!). On the plus side (always!), Colorado snow is GORGEOUS. And the people who actually ski here love it. I'm a Colorado Native who doesn't ski. It happens.

So, yeah... fewer scooter-specific adventures right now. But I must tell you about one of the last clear evenings I was able to ride, when I met Governor Hickenlooper (go on, say his name out loud -- I dare you not to giggle!) because of my scooter. OK, I didn't meet him so much as stare after him like a mental patient when he said, "Nice scooter" to me as I was unlocking Little Chaos, and I said flippantly "thank you!" before I realized I was responding to the freakin' GOVERNOR of our fine city. His secret agent fella, or whatever they are at the governor's level, quickly ushered Hick to his car... presumably before the scooter-riding weirdo followed and drooled on him or something.

Exhibit A: Wynkoop Brewing,
serving the beer of the just. 

All right, it wasn't that bad, but I was thrilled he spoke to me... and my scooter is why he spoke to me. Scooters get governors' attention! Well, maybe just our governor, who owns a scooter. You see, our governor is super cool. Aside from promoting scooters and having overall high approval ratings, The Hick started out as owner of the Wynkoop Brewing Co., Denver's first brewpub, which he opened in 1988. It has grown into one of our most successful restaurants. If you're visiting Denver and find yourself in our fabulous LoDo area, check it out -- yummy food, Colorado brews, and they do a pretty cool "backstage" tour, too.

And look! The Hick was featured in Time Magazine! That there is a shiny Aprilla scooter.

It's not a Honda, but I'll forgive him.

So, in summary: our governor is way cooler than yours. And I bet he'd beat yours up, too. Actually, probably not -- he seems to be one of those total Do-Gooders. Toldya he's cooler!

An aside: Remember, scooter owners! This winter, start your scooter's engine, if just to run it for a few seconds, so you don't have a nice, little surprise in the Spring.

Happy dead-of-winter, kids! The days are now getting longer... 

My middle name should have been Procrastination

Instead my middle name is "Anne," which is very lovely, but its translation means Gift from God, and I'm not entirely sure I can live up to such pressure. 


So, speaking of pressure (and back to procrastination)... I was a bad scooter owner for a while and did not own a tire pump, thus letting my poor Little Chaos run around with "Low PSI." It's curable but embarrassing. I humiliated him in front of all his scooter friends. 

I got the blue one, bitches!

But I've been redeemed. I'm now the proud owner of a new tire pump, complete with a digital PSI reading. Yes! I don't like reading dials... it takes too much effort. Thank goodness for Hamilton Watch Company and Electro-Data. (Wikipedia tells me they co-invented the digital watch, which I assume directly evolved into the digital PSI display on tire pumps. Just go with my logic -- it takes less effort, and as you now know, I am all about that!) Also, thank you Target for having a nice Schwinn Deluxe Analog Bike Pump, because this pump has a valve small enough to fit into the tire area to actually be able to pump the air (bad design flaw, Honda!).

However, I do not thank the freezing cold wind and rain that accompanied me on the ride back home from Target. That was just mean. But on the other hand, it lets you know you're alive. Thank you, Denver!

I digress. So, the moral of this story, which shouldn't really be clear at this point, is: you should own a tire pump. This is the easiest DIY thing you can do for your scooter to keep you and your beloved safe on the road (and by beloved, I mean your scooter -- not your little schmaltzy-schmoopie version of love when your girl/guy rides with you behind you. I own a one-seater for good reason, people). Also, making sure your tire pressure is the correct PSI is like giving your scooter the equivalent of a hug. Because scooters don't really feel hugs. I know they're cute, but seriously, stop it -- someone might take a picture of you and you could end up the next person they ridicule to the point of tears and permanent psychological damage on Awkward Family Photos. Think about it.

So, yeah. Be responsible. Don't procrastinate. Don't humiliate your scooter. For Jiminy Cricket's sake, stop hugging it. Buy a tire pump.

That which is not yours

Ahhh, the first time someone tried to steal my scooter. I remember it like it was just yesterday. (OK, that's because it was just last week.)

I was pissed at first. I felt violated. Guilty I wasn't there for my poor little guy in his time of need. But, really, I've been lucky. I've had Little Chaos for just over a year and a half, and there are almost 4,700 miles on him. In all that time, there was only one attempt on his life. Not bad.

Indeed, we were lucky. It will cost me a new lock (done!) and maybe $100-$200 (hoping) for a new panel to go over the ignition. He still runs. Life is good.

Now... what to do about the cold weather and impending snow?

The nose knows (and the scooter takes me there)

Photo by AaronLeavy.

Mmmmm... the smell of fresh-cut grass tickles my nose as I pass by a park and, suddenly, I'm transported back to my days of playing soccer. Or rolling down grassy hills, getting gloriously dizzy. Or simply... thinking of old friends, playing together in the summers.

Then I pass Winchell's Donuts on N. Broadway, and the smell of fresh-baked donuts lingers in the air, teasing my taste buds, and my mouth starts watering. No, resist it, Scooter Lass, resist it! Save it for a rainy day.

That's another thing special to the scooter commuter -- we're in the trenches. You can't even pick up the smells we smell when your car window is open. There's something about being completely in the elements that fosters this amazing phenomenon.

It's very meditative, riding  a scooter. Yes, it's sometimes easy to get lost in thoughts of the day, but for the most part, you are in the moment, navigating traffic, enjoying your environment... smelling your smells. For me, there's just nothing like it.

Today, I wish you this same feeling of enjoying the NOW, if only for a few moments. And if you don't resist that donut... it's perfectly all right.

Hell hath no fury....

The face of angry vigilante scooter-owners.

... like a woman who witnesses the injustice of a scooter-traveler being unmercifully tailgated and proceeds to chase down the perpetrator... wait, HUH?

Yep, that's right. We had a vigilante on our hands the other day, Little Chaos and me. The Vigilante actually followed The Tailgater, pulled up beside her on an illegal side of the road, and started screaming at her and honking. She then continued to harass The Tailgater until the latter made a hard right to get away.

So, I watched all this in horror thinking, now how did I cause something on par with an international incident, just scooting along, minding my own business? I pulled up behind The Vigilante, and she motioned me forward so she could tell me something out her window. Hoping she didn't have it out for me, too, I tentatively scooted to her window. And then we found out what caused this disturbance in the force.

"I own a scooter myself, and I saw that [expletive] riding you all up and down -- that made me so mad!"

Ah ha! So, scooter owners are also people who look out for fellow scooter owners... with a vengeance. So, watch out. You might be tailgating some poor little scooter who can only go about 35 mph on a 50 cc motor (and is helping save YOUR environment, by the way!), and then BAM... you're screeching around a corner trying to lose a psycho.

Conversely, if you are nice to scooter owners, we will throw daisies at you and sing your praises. OK, maybe just the praises. Trying to ride with daisies in your hands is dangerous, HELLO! Don't be so greedy.

This scooter makes my a$$ look GOOOOOOD!

"Hey, how are you?" yells the dude in the car a couple lanes away from me, with a flirty look in his eye.

I'm used to random strangers talking to me when I'm on my scooter -- these cute, little modes of transportation are quite the conversation starters, I've found.

"Oh, just fine."

"Where you headed?"

"Ummmm... just going home." (If I had been more on my toes, perhaps a better response would have been something like, "I'm meeting my probation officer -- this is my third offense; I think the gig is up, man!")

"Wanna join me for drinks?"

"Oh, no thank you..." I laugh and promptly take off when the light turns green.

Evidently, another benefit of scooters -- aside from the less-than-$4 it takes to fill the tank for about 100 miles -- is that they are good for your dating life. Well, that is if you're in the market for moderately skeezy-looking guys with slicked back hair who drive Trans-Ams and randomly try to pick up women on scooters in downtown Denver.

Me? Frankly, I'd choose the probation officer meeting!

Adventures in scooting commuting

There's something highly meditative about riding a scooter, or any motorized vehicle that allows you to really smell the smells of your city, and feel the wind on your face. It's difficult to get too lost in your thoughts, because you're constantly evaluating traffic, experiencing everything. It's wonderful and exhilarating. Everything feels so much more ... alive.

And then on some occasions, things get a little weird.

This week, I decided to commute to work, which is a 36-mile round trip, every day of the week. (Only $6 for gas! Jealous?) On one of Denver's more colorful streets, South Broadway, I found myself sort of caught in the middle of some crazy man in a pick-up truck to the left of me screaming out his window, insulting a homeless dude on the other side of the road begging for money -- well, more specifically a beer -- calling him all sorts of lovely, colorful names. I wanted to suggest an anger management workshop for my new friend, but instead decided it was best to prepare to duck and run.

Yeah. So, the lesson is: not only does scooting = meditative, but scooting also = possible exciting near death experiences. How can you go wrong with this?

In the beginning, there were scooters....

Ah, the inaugural post.

Instead of doing the normal bit of telling you all about who I am, what I have, and what I do, I thought for my first post I'd be a little creative and tell you what I'm not, what I don't have, and what I don't do:

• I am not a Colorado transplant. Yes, I was born and raised in Colorado and, thus, a rare breed of Denverite. I love it here. Whenever I have the thought of leaving, it passes quickly. What other place can you enjoy city life, country life, and mountain life all in one beautiful place that boasts at least 300 days of sun a year? Right. Not many. 

• I don't own a car. I own a 2009 Honda Metropolitan scooter. I made the decision to sell my car in the spring of 2010. I'd be lying if I told you my sacrifice was all for a grand political statement -- go green, save the planet! Yes, that is definitely part of it. But admittedly, I really, really enjoy paying less than $4 for a tank of gas to go 100 miles, give or take a couple. Yeah, you read that right. I commute on "Little Chaos"  to work in the summer -- that's more than 30 miles round trip on back roads -- and I've been known to ride in 20-degree weather in the winter. If there's no ice on the road and clear skies and a few degrees above freezing, I'm good to go!

• I don't have a huge bank account for travel. Like most of you, I live modestly... but I have a rich life and do much, living in downtown Denver in the awesome Capitol Hill neighborhood with lots of colorful characters.

• I'm not able to be a free-spirit who flits around on her scooter all day writing about junk. Oh, how I wish. No, I have a corporate "day job" as a marketing specialist. The bills won't pay themselves. You dig me.

• I am not a blonde or brunette. I'm a redhead. Thus, the "Lass" part of Scooter Lass. I like to think my ancestry gives me the clovers to get  my fellow citizens to answer those hard-hitting questions like, "Does that come in purple?" and other fascinating things that will keep you entertained!

• I'm not doing this for fun. OK, that's part of it, but what I mean is: I'm not here to give you vomit-inducing updates of pets dressed in bonnets and aprons. I'm here to capture your interest and hopefully entertain you, bringing you stories of local commerce, places, and people -- wherever my travels take me. I want to make you want to come back to read more and fall in love with my city, Denver, as much as I have. There might even be a tidbit or two of wisdom in here, but it will most likely be by accident.

• I'm not all that politically correct. Shocking, I know. But I thought I would put that disclaimer out there. 

Well, that covers the basics... I hope you are intrigued! Or at least curious. I have lots of ideas rolling around in this red head of mine to write about soon, so I hope you will join me on this ride (at an average of 30 mph)!