Hell hath no fury....

The face of angry vigilante scooter-owners.

... like a woman who witnesses the injustice of a scooter-traveler being unmercifully tailgated and proceeds to chase down the perpetrator... wait, HUH?

Yep, that's right. We had a vigilante on our hands the other day, Little Chaos and me. The Vigilante actually followed The Tailgater, pulled up beside her on an illegal side of the road, and started screaming at her and honking. She then continued to harass The Tailgater until the latter made a hard right to get away.

So, I watched all this in horror thinking, now how did I cause something on par with an international incident, just scooting along, minding my own business? I pulled up behind The Vigilante, and she motioned me forward so she could tell me something out her window. Hoping she didn't have it out for me, too, I tentatively scooted to her window. And then we found out what caused this disturbance in the force.

"I own a scooter myself, and I saw that [expletive] riding you all up and down -- that made me so mad!"

Ah ha! So, scooter owners are also people who look out for fellow scooter owners... with a vengeance. So, watch out. You might be tailgating some poor little scooter who can only go about 35 mph on a 50 cc motor (and is helping save YOUR environment, by the way!), and then BAM... you're screeching around a corner trying to lose a psycho.

Conversely, if you are nice to scooter owners, we will throw daisies at you and sing your praises. OK, maybe just the praises. Trying to ride with daisies in your hands is dangerous, HELLO! Don't be so greedy.

This scooter makes my a$$ look GOOOOOOD!

"Hey, how are you?" yells the dude in the car a couple lanes away from me, with a flirty look in his eye.

I'm used to random strangers talking to me when I'm on my scooter -- these cute, little modes of transportation are quite the conversation starters, I've found.

"Oh, just fine."

"Where you headed?"

"Ummmm... just going home." (If I had been more on my toes, perhaps a better response would have been something like, "I'm meeting my probation officer -- this is my third offense; I think the gig is up, man!")

"Wanna join me for drinks?"

"Oh, no thank you..." I laugh and promptly take off when the light turns green.

Evidently, another benefit of scooters -- aside from the less-than-$4 it takes to fill the tank for about 100 miles -- is that they are good for your dating life. Well, that is if you're in the market for moderately skeezy-looking guys with slicked back hair who drive Trans-Ams and randomly try to pick up women on scooters in downtown Denver.

Me? Frankly, I'd choose the probation officer meeting!

Adventures in scooting commuting

There's something highly meditative about riding a scooter, or any motorized vehicle that allows you to really smell the smells of your city, and feel the wind on your face. It's difficult to get too lost in your thoughts, because you're constantly evaluating traffic, experiencing everything. It's wonderful and exhilarating. Everything feels so much more ... alive.

And then on some occasions, things get a little weird.

This week, I decided to commute to work, which is a 36-mile round trip, every day of the week. (Only $6 for gas! Jealous?) On one of Denver's more colorful streets, South Broadway, I found myself sort of caught in the middle of some crazy man in a pick-up truck to the left of me screaming out his window, insulting a homeless dude on the other side of the road begging for money -- well, more specifically a beer -- calling him all sorts of lovely, colorful names. I wanted to suggest an anger management workshop for my new friend, but instead decided it was best to prepare to duck and run.

Yeah. So, the lesson is: not only does scooting = meditative, but scooting also = possible exciting near death experiences. How can you go wrong with this?